looking inside me

DURING MY MOURNING MEDITATION. SEARCHING THROUGH MY THOUGHTS. A SINGLE THOUGH KEPT COMING TO THE FORE FRONT. DO I TRULY LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO KEEP TRYING? THE ANSWER IS YES. OBVIOUSLY I FIND THE WAY I AM OBJECTIONABLE SO, WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BE GOOD TO MYSELF WHEN IT COMES TO EATING HEALTHY. THE CONCLUSION I CAME TO AFTER TALKING WITH A DEAR FRIEND IS THAT I STILL BELIEVE FOOD IS COMFORTING AND THOUGH FLEETING EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS JUST FIND WHEN I AM EATING. SURE EVERYONE LIKES GREAT TASTING FOOD BUT MOST DON’T VIEW FOOD THE WAY I DO.THEY ARE NOT CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT WHAT THAT WILL EAT  MOURNING NOON AND NIGHT. THROUGHOUT  THE DAY EVEN THE DAY BEFORE I AM PLANING OUT MY MEALS. SO NOW I AM PLANING MEALS THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT OF EATING BEFORE. IT HAS TAKEN A TOLL ON MY ROMANCE WITH FOOD. THANK GOD I CAN SEE SOME RESULTS IN THE MIRROR TO GET SOME MUCH NEEDED MOTIVATION.I AM FINDING OUT THAT 17 YEARS OF BAD THINKING WILL NOT BE REPROGRAMMED IN A COUPLE MONTHS.THE KEY FOR ME IS BEING ACCOUNTABLE FOR MY ACTIONS THROUGH GREAT FRIENDS AND BEING COMPLETELY HONEST WITH THEM ABOUT HOW I AM FEELING.SELF PITY COMES INTO PLAY VERY EASILY IF I CHOSE TO DWELL ON THOSE THOUGHTS.THEN GIVING UP SEEMS TO BE SANE. SO NOW IF I DON’T PREPARE MY OWN MEALS FOR THE DAY.I CALL MY FRIENDS THAT KNOW I AM DIETING TO TELL THEM WHAT I ATE. IT REALLY HELPS ME TO BE ACCOUNTABLE. FUNNY THING HAPPENED I REALIZED THEY ARE REALLY CONCERNED AND ARE TRULY SUPPORTIVE OF ME. WHY I THOUGHT I COULD  DO THIS ALONE WAS STUPID. ITS MUCH EASIER FOR ME TO HAVE FRIENDS INVOLVED.