Tag Archives: mental-health

HOLIDAY CHEER

IT’S GETTING EASIER TO NOT BE SOOOOOO SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY WEIGHT THE MORE I OPEN UP ABOUT THE WAY I VIEW MYSELF. WHAT HAS HELPED ME THE MOST IS TALKING WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY ABOUT HOW I FEEL, THEN GETTING A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ABOUT MY FEELINGS. SOMETIMES ITS HARD TO STOP THE WHEELS FROM TURNING WHEN I’AM IN RESTAURANTS THE SMELL OF FOOD, THE ATMOSPHERE, PEOPLE LAUGHING HAVING A GREAT TIME. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS. WHAT CAN I ORDER TO ENSURE THAT I GET AS MUCH FOOD AS I CAN WITHOUT GOING OVER MY DAILY CALORIE INTAKE. SO NOW I FIND MYSELF MULLING OVER THE MENU. IF I ORDER THIS I CANT HAVE THIS SO ON AND SO ON IT GOES. I HAVE BECOME THAT PERSON I BECAME SO IMPATIENT WITH, YOU KNOW WHEN THE WAITER COMES TO TAKE EVERYONE’S ORDER BUT THEY CAN’T DECIDE. WELL THAT WAS ME THE OTHER NIGHT. FINALLY JUST ORDERED THE DAMN SALAD. I HAD A GREAT TIME. STARTING TO UNDERSTAND IT’S NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THE FOOD. IT’S MORE ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND THE TABLE. SLOWLY BUT SURELY COMING AROUND TO THIS WORLD THAT DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND FOOD. HOPE YOU AND YOU’RE FAMILY HAVE THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER 

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looking inside me

DURING MY MOURNING MEDITATION. SEARCHING THROUGH MY THOUGHTS. A SINGLE THOUGH KEPT COMING TO THE FORE FRONT. DO I TRULY LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO KEEP TRYING? THE ANSWER IS YES. OBVIOUSLY I FIND THE WAY I AM OBJECTIONABLE SO, WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BE GOOD TO MYSELF WHEN IT COMES TO EATING HEALTHY. THE CONCLUSION I CAME TO AFTER TALKING WITH A DEAR FRIEND IS THAT I STILL BELIEVE FOOD IS COMFORTING AND THOUGH FLEETING EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS JUST FIND WHEN I AM EATING. SURE EVERYONE LIKES GREAT TASTING FOOD BUT MOST DON’T VIEW FOOD THE WAY I DO.THEY ARE NOT CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT WHAT THAT WILL EAT  MOURNING NOON AND NIGHT. THROUGHOUT  THE DAY EVEN THE DAY BEFORE I AM PLANING OUT MY MEALS. SO NOW I AM PLANING MEALS THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT OF EATING BEFORE. IT HAS TAKEN A TOLL ON MY ROMANCE WITH FOOD. THANK GOD I CAN SEE SOME RESULTS IN THE MIRROR TO GET SOME MUCH NEEDED MOTIVATION.I AM FINDING OUT THAT 17 YEARS OF BAD THINKING WILL NOT BE REPROGRAMMED IN A COUPLE MONTHS.THE KEY FOR ME IS BEING ACCOUNTABLE FOR MY ACTIONS THROUGH GREAT FRIENDS AND BEING COMPLETELY HONEST WITH THEM ABOUT HOW I AM FEELING.SELF PITY COMES INTO PLAY VERY EASILY IF I CHOSE TO DWELL ON THOSE THOUGHTS.THEN GIVING UP SEEMS TO BE SANE. SO NOW IF I DON’T PREPARE MY OWN MEALS FOR THE DAY.I CALL MY FRIENDS THAT KNOW I AM DIETING TO TELL THEM WHAT I ATE. IT REALLY HELPS ME TO BE ACCOUNTABLE. FUNNY THING HAPPENED I REALIZED THEY ARE REALLY CONCERNED AND ARE TRULY SUPPORTIVE OF ME. WHY I THOUGHT I COULD  DO THIS ALONE WAS STUPID. ITS MUCH EASIER FOR ME TO HAVE FRIENDS INVOLVED.